This is my story about a gifted, (monetarily successful) entrepreneur and speaker you might know and the point where she offended a room full of people, and how you can avoid making the very expensive mistakes she made.
I’ve been to 2 exciting women’s business conferences lately. I’ve seen many female speakers and to be honest, 85% of them SUCKED. But guess what? Most of them were fairly well dressed. Meaning…. they presented themselves professionally with their hair, makeup, a nice dress and usually, nice heels.
One in particular did a great job sharing her healing technique and her expertise and we were all warmed up and excited to hear her offer. Then she SHAPE SHIFTED! She slid her leg sideways into a wide, football player stance and delivered a hard sell pitch. She left her beautiful, warm, feminine, healing brand and personal essence and shapeshifted into a masculine shark seller. One person commented later, “it was like she took this sharp, left turn…!”
I appreciated what she had presented (despite her creepy pitch), so I visually engaged her after her talk to thank her, and she literally ran over to me with an intense, desperate energy and tried to sell me her program. When I shared politely that I was not buying programs at this time, she closed her eyes while she was talking to me and leaned back. She literally could not even look at me in the eyes.
I knew from her personality split and her behavior in that moment that she was a deeply wounded and insecure individual that needed healing herself. I mentioned to her that if she ever needed a stylist, that I would love to be considered. (This is often where my healing work starts with people, and an easy way for me to get my foot in their closet to begin to address any unhealed wounds that are popping up.) She said, “Well….I found the dress that works for me.” She didn’t know how to receive appreciation, how to have a conversation, how to not sell, how to build relationships, how to receive feedback or how to act like a normal person networking in a conference. She was having a full fear storm, and it was not pretty. Not only did she turn me off, but everyone else in the room avoided her like the plague for the rest of the conference. She left early. And she paid at least $5,000 to be there.
This person was suffering (among many other things) from a belief in 2 lies.
LIE #1) I can hide my issues and trauma and be a fully functioning, well~respected business figure and speaker.
LIE #2) If I just have the right DRESS, I can show off my biceps and figure and no one will notice my posture, energy, fear, insecurity, Grandma hair, old school shoes and makeup, and inappropriate social behavior.
In short, I CAN FOOL EVERYBODY.
Let me suggest the truth.
We can fool NOOOOOBODY.
The benefits of this current ‘consciousness shift’ is that we can all see your sh*t, my sh*t, our sh*t and it’s time to heal it and deal with with, BEFORE we get on stage.
Now don’t get me wrong, we are all in this together. Many of us are working on our issues, image and marketing AND we do need to get on stage soon. What do we do if we are not more “complete” on our healing process?
What if we don’t have time to do this work before we get on our most immediate stage?
Don’t try to fake it!
It’s better to be an authentic mess and be working on it, and offer our best services and message to the people who will “get it”, than a fake (insecure) ‘bitch’ impersonating as a successful coach. Seriously.
No one’s buying your Bullsh*t, Honey.
In short (and boy have I seen some short dresses!) A COCKTAIL DRESS COSTUME will not fool people into believing you are successful. Or a photo of you flying through the air in a tutu.
(Unless your brand is as a circus performer or lounge singer.)
The value you offer and your personal integrity will sell your success. Personal integrity is saying, “You know, I’m terrified right now to ask you for your business, but I’m going to do it anyway. Will you breathe with me, here?” Wouldn’t that have been funny, sweet, adorable and connected this woman to her rightful clients? I think so.
I’ve seen this behavior become more rampant in the coaching industry and frankly, it’s made me want to pull the word “COACH” off my website. I no likey.
The truth is, we’re all a mess. Even the most beautiful and perfectly poised among us. Even those (and maybe especially those) 6 and 7 figure entrepreneurs, because they are willing to grow really fast and have it look MESSY along the way.
What really sells your success? Being authentic, loving yourself and others, providing amazing value and service and being willing to keep trying and growing and showing up, even when you feel like a hot mess, because we all have those days and stages in our business. Your website might go down at a critical moment, you might flub up a teleseminar, screw up a sale…but keep bringing that AWESOME HEART of yours to the table, even if it’s not perfectly coiffed.
Do your healing work. Bring your authentic message to your perfect people. Love yourself enough to get rid of the old image of you that no longer serves or represents you and step into your Updated, (Healed and Healing) Authentic Soul Style!
AND bring that Sassy Self to the Stage ~ Safely!!!
With love and beauty and fierce honesty,
Visibility Expert & Soul Stylist
*Occasionally and often a Hot, in-the-midst-of-Healing Mess!*